i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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