Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
