These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
