Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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