god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Terrible idea I love it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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