You really coming over, don't trick.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
