i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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