True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
