i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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