chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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