i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i will never coherently bang her
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
