Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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