I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You've changed since you got that strap on
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
