btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
