You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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