i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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