she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
