its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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