I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
ok first of all what the fuck
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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