She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
