She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
