She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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