heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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