soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
