I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
