Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
