If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
