he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
