so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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