Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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