Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
