I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
