Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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