I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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