So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
