okay pat passed out under dana's car
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
