I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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