I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
