When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
