I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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