I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
