Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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