Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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