My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
