After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
