Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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