remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you will always have a special place in my vag
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
