She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
