end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You need a sexual gate keeper
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
