New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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