Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
they call him Oral-B. enough said
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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