Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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