tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
