direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
