So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
then he tried to convert me to islam
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
