This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
