Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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