So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
