yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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