Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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