I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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