And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
