Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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