just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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