morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
