So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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