you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
