I am puke
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
