You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
