I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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