he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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