He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
